


Believe

by Justabibliophile



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dad Vader, Gen, Introspection, father-son feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29608953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justabibliophile/pseuds/Justabibliophile
Summary: Vader's thoughts on Luke throughout the original trilogy.
Kudos: 12





	Believe

Vader doesn't think much of him at first.

He isn't thinking much of anything, really. His greatest enemy has returned, and the rage that's been building within him for years can finally be released. That's all that matters.

Not until it is over. He can hardly believe it when Obi-Wan disappears. Just like that, it is done. Over a decade of buildup cut short in a few seconds, but Vader certainly cannot say he's disappointed. His excited haze seems to be impenetrable, blocking out any voices or even distant sounds of battle.

Except for one. An anguished shout manages to break through, far louder than the shield in Vader's mind. He cannot help but glance over for a moment to find the source. A boy stands a little ways away, staring in horror at the place where Obi-Wan had been standing moments ago. The grief in his eyes is palpable.

Over Obi-Wan. Vader has caused the boy this pain, and he knows it. But he doesn't care, not even for a second.

One day, he will.

\--

Skywalker.

Vader thought he'd successfully buried the name away years ago. And yet the moment it is uttered again, it pumps through every fiber of his being. The worst part is he doesn't even know how to stop it. He was prepared to cut ties with Anakin Skywalker. He cannot understand how to cut ties with a different one.

It is hard to imagine it. Someone is out there using his name. Someone who has fallen into the hands of the Rebellion. Someone who is trying to destroy him.

Someone, someone, someone. He uses the word over and over again, distancing himself as much as possible. But he cannot forget that a long time ago, he tried to come up with names for this someone. He was helped by…

Padme.

He can see the soft smile on her lips as she told him she was pregnant. Despite the fear of what everyone was going to think whispering in his ear, he couldn't help but smile too. He still believed that there was a way to create a life with her. Maybe there was, until he ruined it.

What had Sidious told him all those years ago? "It seems in your anger, you killed her."

But he hadn't. He could have helped her. He could have salvaged what little was left of the chance they had together. Perhaps Sidious didn't know...or he lied. And Vader knows that this is the likely possibility.

He tells himself it doesn't matter. The boy is the product of an identity Vader has long since abandoned.

But something still smolders inside of him.

\--

Sidious doesn't seem to care about the lie at all.

"We have a new enemy. The young rebel who destroyed the Death Star."

Bitterness rises in him at these words. It was easy to assume that the Rebellion would be crushed soon enough, but Skywalker ended up disproving all of that. Not only did he destroy the Empire's greatest weapon, but the feat created a trail of hope that spread through the galaxy like wildfire. Even now, after what happened on Hoth, rumors continue to prevail. All of the work the Empire did is being toppled by him. He is incredibly dangerous.

And incredibly powerful.

Which is why a wave of dread hits Vader when Sidious continues. "I have no doubt that this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker."

Vader tries to feign ignorance, but Sidious is certain of it. And his eyes are narrowed. As if he can tell that Vader already knows. That he had searched his feelings countless times, begging for any other explanation that wouldn't shake his world, only to find the same truth waiting for him.

"He could destroy us." The malevolence in Sidious's tone is what alarms Vader the most. It shouldn't have. This boy is the son of Anakin Skywalker, a man who was weak and brainwashed, who deserves to be forgotten.

But he is also the son of Padme Amidala.

Vader refuses to sit back and do nothing, but his attempts to convince Sidious that the boy is not a threat are useless. Sidious understands how powerful he is just as well as Vader does. And he can't blame him. With everything he did...Vader could almost be proud of Anakin Skywalker's son if he hadn't been fighting for the wrong side.

"If he could be turned…" The words come out before Vader fully understands what they mean. "He would become a powerful ally."

"Yes...he would be a great asset. Can it be done?"

Vader can't believe that a mere whim managed to get a positive reaction, but the more he thinks of the idea, the better it sounds. Having the boy with them...but he could have been there from the start. Padme could have been there too, if only Vader had known the truth. "He will join us or die, master."

The word master is sour on his tongue.

\--

He truly is powerful, isn't he?

However, not as much as Vader expects. He isn't upset about this, since it means that his Jedi training is not finished. It means there's still a chance to convert him, just like he should have from the beginning.

Vader gazes down at the boy who is on his back, trembling as he stares at the lightsaber pointed at him. He is defeated, and he clearly knows it.

The limits of his abilities, however, do not seem to bother him at all, for he continues to fight back. A mix of frustration and pride nearly distract Vader as he blocks the attacks. The boy-Luke-is resilient. Even in a battle he has no chance of winning, he still pushes forward and refuses to give up. A skill that will be a strong addition to the Empire in the future.

But there's no way to get Luke there until he loses.

Knowing this, Vader cuts Luke's hand off, sending his lightsaber flying away. He doesn't feel bad about it, not even when Luke lets out a cry of pain. The plan is working. He starts to back away, trying to get as far from Vader as possible. He cannot wait any longer. Luke has to know the truth.

"Join me," Vader says. "And I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy."

"I'll never join you." Luke's tone is certain, too certain, and the heavy breathing and the visible injuries do nothing to lessen the defiance in his expression. The hatred is even stronger. Just how much has Obi-Wan tainted him?

Possibly enough that he was beyond repair, but Vader still has one more weapon in his arsenal. He knows he should have used it from the beginning, but he wasn't ready to admit it then. Now, he says it out loud.

"I am your father."

Not Anakin Skywalker. Him.

And his son only greets him with a look of horror.

The anger that had been threatening to burst out of him ever since he discovered the truth flares once more. This shouldn't even be a surprise to Luke, but Sidious destroyed everything with a single lie. All the opportunities Vader lost stung enough, but it was far worse with one of them facing him.

Before he knows it, he's offering to bring Sidious down too. Because why should he get to rule after all he put Vader through? Having his son by his side is more than enough. This is the day his life will finally change for the better. All he needs is Luke to agree...

And he doesn't.

Vader can only look down in shock. One second his son was there, and then he was gone. He offered Luke a chance no one could refuse, but he did.

And suddenly he is on Mustafar again, asking Padme to join him. Thinking that she would have to say yes, but all she did was back away, staring at him as if she no longer knew him. As if he was already gone.

No.

This isn't the end. It doesn't matter what Luke said, and it doesn't matter what he did. Behind the famous young rebel that the galaxy believes in, there is a darkness lurking inside.

And Vader is going to find it and free it.

\--

Vader reaches out one last time.

The very knowledge that Luke is away on another ship is already tearing him apart. He worries that he won't get a reply, but Luke communicates with him immediately.

"Father."

He called Vader father. Part of him foolishly hopes that Luke will turn the ship around now and come back to him, letting go of his naive beliefs. But it doesn't happen. Luke doesn't call out to him again. He calls out to someone else.

"Ben, why didn't you tell me?"

Vader has not heard the name before, but he can sense exactly who Luke is talking to. And it enrages him. How can Luke stand to think about Obi-Wan after all the traitor put him through? Why is he not cursing Obi-Wan's name?

He tries to force himself to stop stressing out. It will be alright. Soon, the ship will be back.

He reaches out for his son again, begging him to understand. Luke may have some belief in good that he is determined to stick to, but it will only get him hurt in the end. Although the dark side may seem intimidating at first, it was worth it for Vader, and it will be worth it for Luke too.

But Luke doesn't say anything to Vader. He just calls out for Obi-Wan again. Not his father. Obi-Wan.

Still, Vader can fix this. He just needs to wait.

He waits, and he waits, and he waits, but the reward never comes. Before he can process what's happening, the ship vanishes.

He gazes at the window, waiting for some sort of shape to take form, but he is greeted by a simple black canvas. Nor can he detect his son's presence in his head. He is gone.

A numbness Vader hasn't felt in a long time settles in, only increased by the deafening silence. Everyone else in the room is standing with baited breath, waiting for their punishment. He should punish them. They deserved to suffer for their failures.

But somehow, he is so exhausted that he simply walks away.

\--

The time has come.

Vader didn't know how much he longed for his Luke's presence until he finally senses it, filling the void that was eating away at him. He can hardly wait for Sidious's approval for what he wanted, but he knows that is far too early to start disobeying.

"A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor," Vader informs his master.

"Yes, I know," he says, practically waving it off. He seems to wave everything that Vader cares about off, and he's growing sick of it.

Vader bites back his impatience. "My son is with him."

A jolt goes through him, and he immediately wishes he hadn't spoken. He called Luke his son. But Luke is supposed to be Anakin Skywalker's son and nothing more. Whether he believes it now or not, he certainly needs Sidious to believe it.

Sidious's expression doesn't change. It is impossible to tell whether he noticed the slip up, so Vader tries to continue the conversation as normal.

But there's no point in trying. Sidious leans forward, a mocking glint in his tone. "I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader."

Vader hides his unease, playing the obedient servant. The statement almost offends him. Of course his feelings on the matter are clear. He is going to turn Luke to the dark side. Luke's thoughts on it are not important to him. This is the best course of action.

Everything will go according to plan. He knows it.

\--

Luke doesn't look away.

That is the first thing Vader notices. A strange observation to make, but he can't help but remember how nervous and all over the place his son had been last time. Now, Luke's gaze is unwavering, and he's only just laid eyes on him.

Vader is slightly relieved to not have to face him anymore when the two of them start walking down the hall. Luke calls him that word again. Father. Raising Vader's hopes up before immediately shutting them down.

"I have accepted that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father."

A sudden wave of rage washes over Vader. Even after all this, Luke is still clinging onto that thread of a weak identity that died long ago. It just doesn't make sense. Why can't he understand that Vader is happ-better this way?

Luke doesn't listen. "It is the name of your true self. You've only forgotten. I know there is good in you. The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully."

Another voice echoes in Vader's mind. "At what cost? You're a good person. Don't do this."

"Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can."

The memories surface in Vader's mind, Padme's voice so clear that he can almost imagine she's returned. Doubts are beginning to swarm inside of him. That is unacceptable.

And suddenly he's angry at Luke for making him think of her, angry at Luke for making him question his beliefs, angry at Luke for acting so infuriatingly confident. So convinced that he could be turned. Vader finds himself igniting the lightsaber simply as a show of intimidation. This boy has no power over him.

Luke goes slightly pale at the sight as Vader intended, but even that doesn't work out as planned. Vader finds himself floored at the quality of the lightsaber, created by Luke himself. Not to mention that this weapon can be used for either side. For the first time, Vader lets himself be proud.

But Luke's stance isn't shifting. "I feel the conflict within you. Let go of your hate."

He is so firm in his beliefs that Vader envies him. When was the last time he had such an unflinching belief in good?

Then again, he can barely remember a time when he did. The closest times were when he was with his mother. And Padme.

What would they think of what he's done?

He doesn't dare let himself fall into that hole again. Besides, his feelings on it are no more important than Luke's. He made his choice years ago, and he has to stick to it. Luke will have to be taken to Sidious to make the choice too. There is no way around it.

And it is even stranger. Despite the Stormtroopers surrounding him, Luke still refuses to look away. "Then my father truly is dead."

The words hurt Vader far more than they should have.

\--

Vader knew the plan ahead of time, having gone over it until it was carved into his brain, and yet he still hesitates while watching it play out. Not because anything is going wrong. Sidious wants Luke to attack him in order to seal his fate in the dark side. He's goading him by showing him that his friends are going straight into a trap.

No, it is that last part that gets to Vader. Luke is staring at the window, his expression full of anguish. He isn't saying a word, but Vader knows exactly what he's thinking. He knows that Luke is terrified of the possibility of losing the ones he cares about. He knows that Luke can hardly imagine a life without them. He knows that Luke is starting to realize that the only way to save them goes against everything he believes in.

It is exactly what Vader felt from the moment the first Force vision plagued his nightmares.

He almost isn't ready to block the attack when Luke reaches for the lightsaber, but he falls into the rhythm of battle quickly. The fact that Luke has finished his training is more evident now, but beating him isn't as difficult as it should be. Because despite everything they planned, Luke refuses to fight.

Vader continues to pull him in, but every time he refuses. He still believes in good. And Vader's envy is becoming stronger. How? How can Luke see the ones he cared about in danger and still hold on? How is he stopping the hate from consuming him? How can he still believe in good after all this?

There has to be another tool Vader can exploit. It is not simply about wanting anymore; he needs his son to be with him no matter the cost. And he finds a way as Luke stands before him, his back against the wall. His emotions are running high and impossible to ignore. He wants to bring his father back. He wants to keep his friends safe. He wants to keep his sister safe.

It is that thought that stops Vader short. Twins. Padme had twins. Two opportunities that were kept hidden from him. Two that he could regain.

But it is the wrong thing to say.

Before Vader can fully process the revelation, Luke is fighting back, and not like a Jedi. The lightsaber is moving so fast that it's starting to blur in the air. The hate emanating off of his son is intoxicating. He knows from experience. Suddenly, Vader's the one backing away, he's the one who's becoming frightened, but everything is moving so fast and-

And Vader's lightsaber is gone, and he's on the floor with his son standing over him. If he can call him his son anymore. Luke is wearing a feral expression, but it is completely unnatural on his face.

This is what Vader's goal was, but it doesn't feel like a victory.

It does seem to be for Sidious. He saunters over, delighted by the events. And he speaks the final command: "Fulfill your destiny. Take your father's place by my side."

An odd feeling comes over Vader. Because he has been here before, just on the other side of the story. When it was him standing over Sidious's former apprentice, and he completed the deed.

A cold dread settles in his heart. From the moment he discovered that Luke existed, he realized that Sidious never cared about him. Yet somehow, the pain of being betrayed like this is raw. Vader should have stood up for himself from the start, but he waited too long. Now, history is going to repeat itself. And there is nothing he can do about it.

He waits for it to be over, but it is taking a painstakingly long time. The wildness on Luke's face melts into dismay. Vader doesn't understand why. He won't blame Luke for falling into the trap.

But he doesn't. Vader can only watch as Luke tosses the lightsaber, his weapon, his life away. "I'll never turn to the dark side. You've failed, Your Highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me."

Suddenly, none of the events that occurred today matter to Vader. He is only thinking of those final words.

Like my father before me.

\--

Luke is going to die.

There is no denying it. The moment the Emperor decides he wants someone dead, their fate is decided. There's a sort of morbid excitement in his eyes as he unleashes his power.

Luke collapses as ropes of lightning wrap around him without the slightest hint of mercy. Vader can't help but remember that fateful day on the Death Star, when it was only Luke's cry that was able to break through his haze. It is happening again, as any attempts for Vader to block out Luke's tortured screams are futile.

Vader has been at the receiving end of Force lightning before, and the mere seconds he spent were some of his most excruciating. He cannot imagine how it feels to be hit by it for that long.

It was Sidious's former apprentice that attacked Vader. The very same one that Sidious had tossed away like he meant nothing. He tossed Vader away too. And he expects Vader to stay quiet and be alright with it. Just like he expected him to be alright with all the lies.

But how could he be? All those years were wasted, serving a man who doesn't give a damn about him or anyone else. And now Vader is supposed to waste even more of them and let another victim fall.

Another shout catches his attention. Luke is hardly breathing as the lightning rips through his body, and talking must be another matter entirely. But two words manage to escape his lips. "Father, please!"

This is not just any victim. This is his son. The son who had the chance to kill him, but he refused to. The son who still had an unshakable faith in his humanity to the very end. And he is suffering for it.

Vader could never remember a time when he truly believed in the good in the world. Because every time he told himself that people were kind, they almost always proved him wrong. It hurt more and more until he stopped believing in it altogether.

Now, he is about to prove Luke wrong too. And he knows that this betrayal will hurt the most. It will crush the foundation of all of Luke's beliefs, causing him more pain in his heart than what any lightning could do. He knows because of how it destroyed Padme. He failed her. How would she feel, watching him make the mistake again?

He is running out of time. Sidious is growing bored of playing with his prey and is going in for the final kill. Because of him, Vader lost his wife, his best friend, his identity, and so much more.

He is not going to lose his son too.

It happens so quickly. One moment he is standing still, and the next he has grabbed his former master and thrown him to his doom.

Luke's relieved expression is all he cares about.

\--

Anakin is going to die.

There is no denying it. He can feel his energy draining, a steady pulse of pain throbbing beneath his skin. It is getting difficult to perceive the world around him, but he can still hear the heavy footsteps. Countless people running away, not caring at all about the man they used to serve. It is only Luke who is trying to help him, gently leaning him against the wall for a moment before preparing to help him up again. But Anakin has no intention of getting up.

"Luke," he chokes out. "Help me take this mask off."

He never liked the suit in the first place, and now it has evolved into a mechanical prison. If he is going to die, he is not going to die with a mask on. He is not going to be what Sidious forced him to be.

Luke stares at him in confusion. "But you'll die…"

Anakin can't help but feel a little twinge at that. All of that effort Luke put into bringing him back, and now he is going to have to leave him. But he cannot do anything about it. He knows better than to try cheating death now.

Luke nods slightly to himself, as if trying to accept what's going to happen, before removing the mask. Anakin knows it's ridiculous, but a part of him worries that Luke will judge him for how he looks. After all, he's spent his life being judged for everything he does.

But when the mask is removed, Anakin is not concerned about that anymore. His weak senses are suddenly flooded with life, like a sun rising on a world cloaked in darkness. There is not much of a technical difference, but a sort of euphoria fills him anyway. His skin is finally touching the air. The world is clearer, more distinct. And he feels...human.

That is all he needs to move on, but it is not enough for Luke. Always, no matter what odds are against him, he keeps pushing.

"No, you're coming with me," Luke says, the desperation in his voice rising. "I'll not leave you here. I've got to save you."

Come with Luke. Yes, it is a nice thought. The idea that everyone in the galaxy will forgive him for what he's done and he'll be able to live a normal life alongside his children. But that's all it is: an idea. Regardless of what he did today, he is not completely innocent, and the rest of the galaxy will not forgive him. There is no way for him to be with his family. Anakin made the sacrifice, but he will not be there to reap the rewards.

Yet somehow, it doesn't bother him at all. He knows now that he has been selfish. Trying to pull Luke into the dark side, a place where he does not belong, and a place that Anakin knows has caused him pain, all so that he doesn't have to be alone in his suffering. Now, he doesn't care what happens to him as long as Luke survives. It is a strong feeling, a feeling that he has not felt since Padme. And it is a beautiful feeling indeed.

"You already have, Luke. You were right. You were right about me." Luke believed in him even when he himself hadn't. "Tell your sister you were right."

His last moment is the strangest of all. He was born as a slave. He lost everyone important to him. The world betrayed him at every turn. But as his vision goes dark, somehow, Anakin finds himself believing.


End file.
